“A guy and a girl can be just friends, but at one point or another, they will fall for each other….maybe temporarily, maybe at the wrong time, maybe too late, or maybe forever.”
Yet as much fun as I had with S*, what I loved most about him, and what I loved most about myself, was our big hearted spirit that radiated within us and flourished our tendency to connect who we knew with the things we loved to do.
“Jen, This is my girlfriend, Stephanie….Amy…..Nicole…..Sara” One after another I would meet the parade of bright, young women temporarily taking hold of his heart. Typically a mousey petite with short hair and glasses, they were generally friendly, (or as friendly as they could be when being informally interviewed by their boyfriend’s close (female) friend).
When S* told me that he might have met the person that he was supposed to be with, I was happy for him of course. As one of his closest friends, how could I not be?
It begins with a troubled, “dear in headlights” look that crosses their face when you say, “We have to talk”…”
Anyone that has ever hunted someone down for the truth knows that it never ends well. People do not disappear because they love you and are “maybe” to busy to see or talk to you, nor do they vanish because they’re scared and afraid of commitment.
A risk is not a risk until you have something to lose. How do you feel when you gamble? Do you get a cool rush at the thought of winning? Do you feel empowered and confident when you’re handed a few cards? How does it feel when you’ve taken your last shot and you lose?
For awhile, I didn’t think it was worth it. I didn’t think the brief time that I had with S*, the time where I was, or at least I thought I was, more than a long-time friend was worth the cost of losing him all together.
And now to the conclusion, the central part of the story that IS central to this blog. The part where I stop talking about how misguided and heartbroken I felt, and how those feelings of losing “almost us” eventually lead me to the peaceful place of “non-regret.”