I Love That You Hate What I Hate – II

I began thinking of all the times I bonded with a stranger over varied, somewhat superficial interests. What bands we liked, what our favorite foods were, what we liked to do in our spare time. We’d talk, compare notes, makes plans around our mutual interests, these interests connecting me to this person I liked in hopes that this person would then like me.

Until recently when I started asking myself, How many dates did I go on with these people before we talked about the things we not only disliked, but the things we HATED?

Did we ever?

And for the sake of this argument, if we did, was I ever confident enough to talk with conviction about what I hated even if that meant that this new person wouldn’t like me anymore?

Did I ever have the balls to say, “You know what? I F***K** HATE THAT SH*T instead of “I’d totally do that WITH YOU!”

Probably Not.

 

 

 

 

 

I Like You, But I Like Me More – III

I wanted to say, “Yes!”

I wanted to say, “Of course I want to hang out with you in the middle of all that is going on in my life!”

“Of course I want to make that happen!”

But alas, which is probably of no surprise to many, I couldn’t.

I couldn’t form the words and I couldn’t (or some say wouldn’t) find the time to hang out with this kind, normal block.

To that, people shook their heads and bent them in resignation.

The “people” being whomever is giving me dating advice at the current moment and believe me, there are many, many, many.

The “people” who think that I’ve never had a boyfriend… or a relationship… or much of anything. Sometimes they even compare me to Lady Gaga who was “born this way.”

“Just hang out with him,” they say, “Just hang out with him.”

And with that I ask, “Is a body better than no body?

Because isn’t that really what we were? We were a body, but neither one of us were somebody to any body.

We were insignificant others passing the time.

But what happens when we no longer have time fill? What happens when we start looking at our time and re-evaluating how we want to spend those valuable free minutes.

If you’re like me, you start asking yourself the question – “Do I want to spend those valuable free minutes being a body to a nobody simply because we need somebody?”

Probably not.

And I think that’s where I differ from many somebodies.

I would rather be alone than with someone who I know isn’t right for me, or with someone who I know I’m not the right person for simply because we need someone. Because as much as they aren’t somebody to me, I don’t want to be a nobody to them.

I didn’t want to be somebody’s nobody so I didn’t call.