I Like You, But I Like Me More – III

I wanted to say, “Yes!”

I wanted to say, “Of course I want to hang out with you in the middle of all that is going on in my life!”

“Of course I want to make that happen!”

But alas, which is probably of no surprise to many, I couldn’t.

I couldn’t form the words and I couldn’t (or some say wouldn’t) find the time to hang out with this kind, normal block.

To that, people shook their heads and bent them in resignation.

The “people” being whomever is giving me dating advice at the current moment and believe me, there are many, many, many.

The “people” who think that I’ve never had a boyfriend… or a relationship… or much of anything. Sometimes they even compare me to Lady Gaga who was “born this way.”

“Just hang out with him,” they say, “Just hang out with him.”

And with that I ask, “Is a body better than no body?

Because isn’t that really what we were? We were a body, but neither one of us were somebody to any body.

We were insignificant others passing the time.

But what happens when we no longer have time fill? What happens when we start looking at our time and re-evaluating how we want to spend those valuable free minutes.

If you’re like me, you start asking yourself the question – “Do I want to spend those valuable free minutes being a body to a nobody simply because we need somebody?”

Probably not.

And I think that’s where I differ from many somebodies.

I would rather be alone than with someone who I know isn’t right for me, or with someone who I know I’m not the right person for simply because we need someone. Because as much as they aren’t somebody to me, I don’t want to be a nobody to them.

I didn’t want to be somebody’s nobody so I didn’t call.





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J is a happily single 30-something currently documenting her stories of love and loss. Her blog, “I Quit Dating” features excerpts of her journey as she reflects on the lessons learned from the men she loved. A complete collection of essays detailing her walk away from finding Mr. Right in order to pursue a more fulfilled life will be self-published next year. She recently moved from Los Angeles to New York. Contact: iquitdating (@) gmail.com

2 thoughts on “I Like You, But I Like Me More – III”

  1. It’s nice to see you writing again! I wonder if you’ve ever heard of Sasha Cagen and her book, Quirkyalone, which became a blog and then a web community and now, somehow, a coaching service. Her outlook is very similar to what you’re expressing here–in a nutshell, that it’s better to be single than to settle. I hope you won’t let people in your life make you feel like you’re weird or defective in some way because you don’t want to waste your time on a mediocre connection. Honestly, there are a lot of people out there who would agree with you, more than you might think.


    1. Thank for saying that. I haven’t heard of her, but it sounds like something I should check out. I do think there are more people like me than ever before.


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