I Like You, But I Love Me More – II

I thought this would be perfect for me. A kind, non-complicated guy to spend time with when I needed a break. A break from the daily grind of work, stress and the regular abuse that any person working in entertainment knows all to well of.

It was supposed to be simple and in a way it was.

It was so simple that I didn’t even consider us “dating,” because to me, dating  implies it’s going to go somewhere, or at least one have hopes that it’s going to go somewhere or who is going to at least “try” to get it to go somewhere.

No?

And this?

This I didn’t see going anywhere.

But I thought I would try. I  would try and go out with another human for diner and for drinks and for ice cream just like other humans do, because I’ve been told that humans like companionship and what I was doing was weirdly non-humanlike. (At least according to those who I’ve been associating myself with).

And it was fine, great even until I began to wonder why we were infrequently hanging out at all when neither one of us seem to care (at all?)

Why were we bothering?

I ran this by these people who I’ve been associating with. These people who call me un-humanlike for not wanting to “hang” in a dating-like way without really dating.

They said, “for company….for companionship…we spend time with people because we WANT to.”

And I suppose they were right. For a minute (or 3 weeks), I wanted to hang out with him. I wanted a text from him without thinking about those texts when they didn’t come that day.

It was a want, not a need that seemed to be what we both wanted and needed.

And then life started to pick up, or rather my role at a relatively new job picked up.

I was being picked up to move up, or at least given the illusion that I was moving up in a company with incredibly smart people that until recently I feared they would finally realize that I wasn’t one of them and would ask me to vacate. It wasn’t a promotion, a change of of title nor a raise of any kind, but it is and was an opportunity.

And then in the middle of all that, I get a text, “Do you want to hang out?”

 

 

 

 

 

 

Published by

J

J is a happily single 30-something currently documenting her stories of love and loss. Her blog, “I Quit Dating” features excerpts of her journey as she reflects on the lessons learned from the men she loved. A complete collection of essays detailing her walk away from finding Mr. Right in order to pursue a more fulfilled life will be self-published next year. She recently moved from Los Angeles to New York. Contact: iquitdating (@) gmail.com

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