I Am a Banana – Stand Too Close and I’ll Rot

One minute you have a beautiful bunch of green bananas and the next they’re ALL a bundle of mush.

How many times has this happened to you?

I never inquired, I never thought about it, I just thought, “This must be life as a banana” until I met a very helpful cashier at Trader Joe’s who eyed my duet of bananas and said, make sure you keep the ripe one away from the green one!

“Really?”

He said, “Yes. Not only should you (un)bunch them, but you should keep them away from each other because one will eventually ripe the other due to the ethylene gas that it leaves off.”

I believed him. Trader Joe’s always seems to have those people who know what they’re talking about, however being the sceptic that I am and before I isolated my bananas to opposite sides of the kitchen, I Googled it and sure enough, he was right.

I then thought to myself, “I’m a banana!”

To be honest, I thought I was going to be over this by now. I thought that after all this writing and talking, that I would be ready to date again or at least be OPEN TO THE IDEA of dating again.

Sure, I may the proud owner of http://www.iquitdating.com, but surely I was angry THEN and I must be less angry NOW, right?

Yet it seems the opposite has happened. I am now so accustomed to the image that I’ve created of this girl who isn’t dating anymore that as the days have gone by, I find myself becoming more and more “her” even though I wasn’t quite sure what would happen when I started this.

Would I really quit?

Would I really kill any remaining interest I MIGHT have in dating if I truly live and breathe the words I’ve written.

Am I really going live like a banana – in my own world and not open to dating because I don’t want someone to rot my life away?

The answer is yes.

And that is what I’ve been doing.

I’ve been doing all the things that I said one must do. I would even go as far as saying that I’ve been so busy that I haven’t had time to write my feelings of woe here on this blog, because quite honestly they haven’t been around in awhile.

Part of me is proud and part of me isn’t, because humans are not meant to live like bananas.

But how do I explain the peace that I feel now more than ever?

Published by

J

J is a happily single 30-something currently documenting her stories of love and loss. Her blog, “I Quit Dating” features excerpts of her journey as she reflects on the lessons learned from the men she loved. A complete collection of essays detailing her walk away from finding Mr. Right in order to pursue a more fulfilled life will be self-published next year. She recently moved from Los Angeles to New York. Contact: iquitdating (@) gmail.com

24 thoughts on “I Am a Banana – Stand Too Close and I’ll Rot”

  1. I’ve read this blog from start to finish, and I just want to say that while I know a number of the commenters can’t quite wrap their heads around the idea that someone would permanently give up dating, I believe it’s absolutely the best choice for some people, and I applaud you for listening to your heart on this one.

    I gave up dating for five years, tried it again for one, and ultimately wished I hadn’t. My experiences with dating have been much like yours. They were heartbreaking and took me to dangerous places emotionally. I don’t view these as “learning opportunities” because they didn’t make me a better person or teach me how to avoid the same situations in the future. They made me a closed, wary, insecure person because there really IS no way to avoid these situations. You can work on yourself and play by the rules and look for red flags all you want and still find that people are capable of a lot more cruelty, manipulation, disloyalty, etc. than you would ever have guessed possible. And you can’t reliably tell which ones will turn out to be that way until they do. There are signs you can look for, but there’s no magic formula.

    When I wasn’t dating, I felt more peaceful and content with myself than at any other time in my adult life. (I’m in my mid-30s.) And, to tell you the truth, when I talk to other people who gave up dating–yes, there are others out there–they say the same thing. In contrast, very few of my partnered friends seem happy in their relationships. I’m not saying it’s impossible to have a happy relationship, but it seems a lot rarer than the media and general culture let on.

    Since giving up dating again, I do sometimes miss the highs of romantic bliss. But I really, really, really don’t miss the lows of depression and anxiety! So, for the foreseeable future, I won’t be dating, and I feel good about that decision. I know it wouldn’t work for everybody, but for me, it’s a part of self-care and the loving thing to do for myself. I hope you continue to feel good about your decision, too. And I also hope you’ll check in at this blog from time to time and let us know how you’re doing!

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    1. Thank you so much for your words. We’re so very much a like…would you mind if I shared this in a future post? I’ll be checking out your blog too 🙂

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      1. Haha, I agree–when I read your thoughts on this blog, I sometimes feel like I’m your East Coast twin! You’re definitely welcome to share anything I’ve said if you think it would be helpful.

        I used to keep a single-by-choice lifestyle blog but no longer…It just got to be too much work after awhile, unfortunately.

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  2. That banana theory is so interesting. I’m from Jamaica, a banana country, and never heard that before so you better believe I’m about to do some research. On the other point, I don’t want to rot with anyone but the alternative doesn’t appeal either. Hmmm.

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  3. I’m not the type to jump from relationship to relationship, and I actually like spending time alone with myself. I still believe it’s more important to understand yourself better before you can fully commit to someone else. Then again being alone might be the wrong cure for US 😉
    While I have been not actively trying to date either, I’ve invested my time in learning more about myself. I’ve always been fascinated by personality, so I’m learning a bit more about my own. I’m currently reading book “Why Him? Why Her?” written by Helen Fisher who is one of the minds behind chemistry.com. I’m learning more about my personality, and why I’m more attracted to certain other personality types.
    Anyway, I’ve been a bit silent lately, thought I pop my head out of my cave for a bit to say hello. Lol which is kinda funny, those that know me well always hassle me about constantly hibernating. It’s ok I’m and INTROVERTED Extrovert, and I’m quite ok with that.

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      1. As long as you are being true to who you are, that’s all that matters.

        I know that I’m the best version of me when I’m in a partnership… But I will never, ever settle because now I know exactly what type of person will bring out the best parts of who I am. And so I wait. Indefinitely. 🙂

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  4. I’m not dating because I’m hooked and have been for a very long time. Yes we like being together, we’ll take our chances that we will probably rot together.
    Leslie

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    1. Thanks for coming by and reading. I didn’t expect to be so comfortable. That has been a welcome surprise even though I’ve had breaks that have amounted to years before. There seems to be a certain finality this time.

      Liked by 1 person

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