The Heart Wants What It Wants: Why We Do The Things We Do

The Heart Wants What It Wants…..

It’s been a trying time, my friends.

Whether I like it or not… and I “not,”  I’m in winter, both literally like everyone, and figuratively where I’m desperately trying to catch the jet stream that will bring me out of this tired hibernation and into the stage of my life.

I’m caught in the doing and working. The doing of the work where I’m wondering what I’m doing. The doing that maybe isn’t…..working?!

Friends, I’m J and I’m a career crisis.

News to you I’m sure, but not to most who have known me as I am in the flesh for at least 5 minutes.

I’ve been in this place now for a short forever, so the fact that I’m writing about it after I’ve been broadcasting my doom and gloom regarding the fact that no one else in the world wants to hire me other than my current employer is laughable.

In short, for years I “was” working in my dream job that was swanky in every way other than money. I never could bring myself to leave, because who leaves the job that they’ve always wanted? But as time past, now the swanky isn’t so swanky and though my career chops are significantly sharper than they were when I started this adventure, new opportunities have been nill.

I have papered hundreds of companies and contacts with my resume (and yes, I’ve checked my info on said resumes a thousand times to make sure all my job offers weren’t going somewhere else), but sadly, that hasn’t been the case.

Anxious. Panic. Wonder. Distress.

All these feelings of what will happen next?

The hell with all these people I’ve dated!

What the hell is going to happen to me?

Yet despite my disregard for the “has beens” who have been in my life whenever I catch myself feeling sorry for myself, I can’t help but make a comparison between how I feel now and how I’ve felt when I was dating.

The teeter totter that we find ourselves on of “Does he like me?” “Will he call?” “Will this go somewhere?”

Up and down and up and down…..

Will THEY look at my resume? Will THEY call? Will this job go somewhere?

All these same feelings that we find ourselves WITH WHEN DEALING WITH completely different situations.

How is it possible to feel the same?

Is it true that we only have a few feelings that we switch and adapt to different situations?

Why do I feel the same now as I did about HIM then?

And then I began to wonder – Why do we do it? Why do we put ourselves through all these difficult LIFE things(?!) that are never easy.

This stuff that we attempt to navigate as we run towards a something.

Why do we do it?

Why do we put ourselves through all these emotions?

Do we do it because the heart wants what it wants?

Some will put themselves out there emotionally in a big way time because their heart wants to meet someone.

Some will spend hours honoring their craft because their heart wants to master it.

Some will dedicate their lives to doing good because their heart wants to help people.

Some will go back to school because their heart wants a fresh start.

We do what our heart wants, because the demands of our heart do not come free.

That’s something that I’ve been working on as the rejection letters roll on.

The heart wants what the heart wants and what the heart wants does not come free.




What does your heart want?

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J is a happily single 30-something currently documenting her stories of love and loss. Her blog, “I Quit Dating” features excerpts of her journey as she reflects on the lessons learned from the men she loved. A complete collection of essays detailing her walk away from finding Mr. Right in order to pursue a more fulfilled life will be self-published next year. She recently moved from Los Angeles to New York. Contact: iquitdating (@)

14 thoughts on “The Heart Wants What It Wants: Why We Do The Things We Do”

  1. Job rejection does feel like dating rejection. It especially pisses me off when they choose someone else after 3 interviews with me. They led me on. The thing is about faith. My suggestion is positive affirmations.
    I deserve a better job. I am successful.
    My needs are met.
    Keep your head up. ((cyberhugs))


  2. I went through this same thing a couple years back. I had such a hard time getting interviews, which is frustrating because I know once I have an interview I can wow the socks off them. But when you can’t even get a foot in the door, there’s not much you can do. Then I got some amazing advice from a friend. He looked over my cover letter and told me that instead of simply wording it to tell the prospective employer all the great things about me and my experiences, to give solid examples as to how these great things will help their company and the role I was applying for. Instead of telling them you excel in a certain aspect of your given career, tell them specifically what you can do for their company using those skills.

    Hope that helps! Keep your chin up… the perfect job is still waiting for you.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I’m suppose to be in my dream job…but it’s not. I should just shut up and color….I totally feel for you. Just make sure your resume’ is tweaked to the specific job. This is tedious…but it really helps. Don’t lie of course, but make sure the key talents are first in line and clearly defined. I think we raise our expectations each year and wait for the next big thing or what’s new. Like Don Draper in Mad Men…never happy unless it’s fresh and exciting.

    Liked by 3 people

  4. Our hearts simply want a change sometime. Other times it’s peace that I need or company or lack of it. But most of all my heart wants to be sure that whatever I do with my life at the end of it I will be able to say that ‘I lived’.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. i love this song. I read somewhere that she actually wrote the song and taped the video a whole before she even released it. I feel like it would be very hard to write about such a personal thing for the world to see.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I’m in the same situation. I am job hunting and it reminds me a lot of dating. I will often get rejected by jobs I wanted while the jobs I don’t want will call for an interview.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Stay strong! I’m on the job hunt, too. I find it useful to remind myself of all my accomplishments. I am also going to school for a master’s degree. Have you considered that? Living off student loans is better than being stuck in a job that you hate. If that’s not possible, taking classes at night or online make you more attractive to employers: shows that you’re willing to learn.

    You’re so right that the thought process is similar to dating. Like dating, you need to turn the tables. Instead of, “what if they don’t like me?” Ask, “are they good enough for me?”


    Liked by 1 person

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