Chasing Fate: Running the Race and Away From You


I’ve talked before about my distaste, dislike and distrust regarding “The Art of the Chase” in dating before.

How could I not and what kind of blogger about dating (or rather their lack of) would I be if I didn’t?

All the rules, all the psychology and all the ‘proven?!’ methods that exist with the sole purpose of pretending to be disinterested to make the other person MORE interested.

The articles that say, “10 Ways to Woo Any Woman.”

Make them feel they aren’t the only one! Don’t answer texts right away! Don’t be to A-VAI-LAB-LE!

That is chasing. That is dating. We can complain and lament all we want, but if you want to play, that is what you must do.

End of Story.

However, the more I started to read and the more I started to take stock of my own life for myself and for this blog, the more I realized that chasing people in dating, whether it be to play hard to get or to get the hard to play, is not the only type of chasing.

Sometimes we find ourselves chasing an idea, or a future that we so desperately want in the form of a person that is likely not right for us, or even worse, we find ourselves chasing the IDEA of “Happily Ever After” that we’ve envisioned and dreamed of for ourselves.

We’re chasing websites, apps, texts, numbers, all in the hopes of HELPING fate.

Fate forgot me. Fate got lost. It must have surely, WHERE THE HELL IS HE?!

One more swipe, one more profile, one more night out….He’s out there! I know it!

And in the middle of all that, I have another viewpoint.

What if we chased something else instead of chasing “him” or the idea of what he will and should be?

What if we made our own life the best it could be without worrying about meeting “him”?

What if we tried to do all the things we want to do, even if it means doing them alone?

What would you chase?

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J is a happily single 30-something currently documenting her stories of love and loss. Her blog, “I Quit Dating” features excerpts of her journey as she reflects on the lessons learned from the men she loved. A complete collection of essays detailing her walk away from finding Mr. Right in order to pursue a more fulfilled life will be self-published next year. She recently moved from Los Angeles to New York. Contact: iquitdating (@)

12 thoughts on “Chasing Fate: Running the Race and Away From You”

  1. I think you’re spot on here, J. As time goes on, there’s certainly a temptation to squeeze a potential partner into a mold that they’re just not meant to fit. I’m not really dating right now (per se!), but I find that I sometimes begin to do that in my head to the boys I meet and talk with. And it’s very easy to start compromising the things that really matter to you when you’re just desperately trying to find someone, anyone, to fill a void or fulfill your idea of Happily Ever After.

    I loved what you said about chasing something else. That’s key, I think. Being content in your own life. Not NEEDING anyone or anything else to complete you. Personal “happiness” and fulfillment absolutely cannot rest in another person. It must come from within.

    Good post, lady.


  2. I’ve realised that I am completely happy with my life. The only time I get upset it when I compare my life with someone elses and realise that I don’t have the husband/children it’s chasing those things that make me miserable, not being without them!


  3. The “hard to play” which doesn’t work with me at all. Unavailable for me is uninterested and unable to put effort. Unavailable is also asking to be easily forgotten. If anyone has ever used such trick on me I feel sorry for them ;p
    I think part of us is always looking even when not actively looking. Being open to chances in life (even when not chasing apps or websites or nights out) is still looking. And if we are not open , I don’t think anything will happen. I also think the time we are truly open is the time where we have made that step and learnt to be happy on our own first.


  4. Welcome to my life. I stopped chasing happy ever after for a while. Bought my own house, raise my two kids, I work hard, and I love my life. But at the end of the day, there’s still a desire to share it with someone….

    Liked by 1 person

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