I’m Not Like You: Conclusion – What I Learned From A Man Named B*

Last week I went online to purchase two toys for Toys For Tots.

A natural born shopper and a lover of all things pretty, I took my time, weighed my options and ended up choosing based on my interest and what I would love to receive if someone said that I could pick anything I wanted in the toy aisle.

Choice #1 – A “Frozen” Snow Globe Play-Doh Set

Choice #2 – A Princess Ariel Doll

Coincidentally, the closest place to drop off said toys is at my neighborhood firehouse here in Santa Monica where our city’s finest really are the finest. (And I don’t care how cliche that sounds, I speak the truth). So not only was I doing good, but I was hoping to observe for an upcoming post called, “I Quit Dating Visits The Firehouse.”

Everybody Wins!

Needless to say, the items weren’t going to be here before I leave for my Christmas vacation, so I was forced to abandon my trip to the firehouse and decided to send the toys to my mom in Pennsylvania where I would drop them off at a bin at the mall once I arrived. I was determined! There was going to be a little girl with a a Frozen Play-Doh Set and a Princess Ariel doll under her tree SOMEWHERE!

“What did you order?” My mom asked on our second call of our usual multiple call

I told her what I ordered and she said, “Because that’s not what came.”

“Really? What Came?”

“4 little boxes of doll dresses. You should see how cute they are. They come on little hangers and everything.”

I then repeated as I usual do, as what everyone does when they are talking to their parents, “Are you sure such and such is not in the box?”


“Mom, What does the packing slip say.”

“Let’s see. It says. A…..Fro….zen…Play-Doh…….Snow Globe…. Set.” (My mom reads with lots of dramatic pauses.)

So I called Target who then informed me that there was some type of glitch in their systems with the UPC’s that would prevent me from ordering this item, but that she would be more than happy to refund my money, in addition to a complementary gift card for 10 bucks to compensate me for the 20+ min call wait. I also get to keep the dresses!

Great. 4 dresses and no doll to put them on.

I’ll be honest, I was perturbed and irritated at the time I spent on this and at the fact that I’m out of a gift to give, because all of the dolls that fit these dresses are out of stock. I was also angry that another little girl somewhere is not going to get the gift that I now have no use for.

“What kind of Dip-Ducks are you guys?”

But I calmly said, “thank you” and hung up the phone.

I did this, because I learn how to do this. I’ve been known to get hot on a customer service representative at one time or another.

I’ve done it. We have all done it.

But someone taught me that while I can DO GOOD, that doesn’t mean I AM GOOD.

In another words, how silly do these sentences sound?

I yelled at the lady on the phone from Target because they mistakenly sent me the wrong toy for Toys For Tots?

I completely lost my cool in the church parking lot.

Counterproductive, no?

How did I learn this? How did I see that this is something that I need to work on?

Someone unintentionally displayed one of THEIR flaws and it made ME better. They would broadcast their charitable giving, but weren’t very charitable towards those who they casually encountered on a day to day basis.

This person influenced, taught and shared while I learned, because as much as I want to believe that we are our own people, Who teaches us to be human? To be People?

People teach us how to be people.

People have the ability to make us better by displaying their own faults.

People show us who we want or do not want to be.

As I conclude and reflect on my numerous postings about my “almost something” with a man named, B*, I’ve learned that is enough.

It’s enough that I learned that I’m not like him, that I don’t want to BE a person like him.

It’s enough that I saw the type of person that I am not.

I don’t lie.

I don’t mislead.

I have a tendency to guard another’s heart like I would my own.

I don’t let my own motives blind my kindness and regard for OTHER PEOPLE.

Experiencing his faults made me better, because I don’t want someone to feel like he made me feel.

So B* if you’re reading, “You were right. I’m not like you….”

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J is a happily single 30-something currently documenting her stories of love and loss. Her blog, “I Quit Dating” features excerpts of her journey as she reflects on the lessons learned from the men she loved. A complete collection of essays detailing her walk away from finding Mr. Right in order to pursue a more fulfilled life will be self-published next year. She recently moved from Los Angeles to New York. Contact: iquitdating (@) gmail.com

10 thoughts on “I’m Not Like You: Conclusion – What I Learned From A Man Named B*”

  1. “I have a tendency to guard another’s heart like I would my own.
    I don’t let my own motives blind my kindness and regard for OTHER PEOPLE.
    Experiencing his faults made me better, because I don’t want someone to feel like he made me feel.”

    That is genius and one heck of a silver lining. I have a feeling whoever you find will be worth the wait!

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I don’t believe I’ll date again. In a way I think I’ve had my chance and though I didn’t meet him, I did get close. I’ve experienced and have had my turns. That’s more than some can say.


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