You Look Like A Lumberjack – Tinder Tumble: Six Date Stumble Part X

When I met my “first” date via Tinder, I immediately thought, Am I being catfished? Who is this guy? Did I really right swipe on a thin (but not too thin), plaid wearing lumberjack who looks like he escaped from “Mumford and Sons?”

And my second thought was, I wish my friend was here on this date, because despite the falling stock prices at Gillette where every month is now “Movemeber,” I hate beards! Let me see your face!! My friend on the other hand would love this guy!


But as I’m sure you’ll guess, I got over it. I overlooked his poor choice of facial hair, just as I overlooked his other imperfections that I would later learn about while systematically erasing the  misses on my “must haves” list if I was the type of girl who had one. You didn’t finish college? You don’t go to work everyday? You have to get up twice a night to feed your dog? (Your bed by the way gave me flee bites that lasted longer than you did…)

Now I’m at the part of this long-winded story that SHOULD be the most interesting where you, my beautiful readers finally meet this flee infested, skinny lumberjack who is the stumble in the Six Date Stumble. The guy who had all those misses, but who looked at me like no one ever has. Yet now that it’s time for me to introduce him, I’m at a loss at how to articulate this story, while the other part of me no longer wants to tell it.

When I started this blog, I knew immediately that it would be up to me to craft an approach that would be different, because as interpersonal as I am in regards to writing for myself, I’m also enough of a narcissus to want readers.

But why would they (or you) read this blog? How is this blog different and how will it be different? How do I go beyond these generic love stories that we all have been involved in? How do I got beyond the “Way he looked at me”……”It was like we knew each other”….. “We talked for hours””……. “We had all this chemistry….”

Then I started reading. Blogs, stories, poems, songs….All written by lonely hearts around the world about love, loss, dating, relationships…The time in the moment and those fleeting past….falling in and falling out…. And I soon realized, what I knew before but which didn’t occur to me until I saw the thoughts and ideas on others in print. Everyone has gone through what I have. Everyone has been heartbroken, but few have gone beyond discussing what they learned about themselves. That was going to be the point of this blog. I was going to go beyond all that and talk about how loving these men, these strangers changed ME.

But in order to get to that part, I have to tell the somewhat generic story about how I fell for this person, these people in the same ways where we all fall “for this person.”

I have to figure out how to tell the story that has been told already.

I hope you’ll share yours in the comment section.


This story picks up where I left off here…..

Photo: “Love Me” Wall Taken by Me in Los Angeles

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J is a happily single 30-something currently documenting her stories of love and loss. Her blog, “I Quit Dating” features excerpts of her journey as she reflects on the lessons learned from the men she loved. A complete collection of essays detailing her walk away from finding Mr. Right in order to pursue a more fulfilled life will be self-published next year. She recently moved from Los Angeles to New York. Contact: iquitdating (@)

7 thoughts on “You Look Like A Lumberjack – Tinder Tumble: Six Date Stumble Part X”

  1. I appreciated reading this post. Personally I feel like I’m stuck. Finding a way past weeping sob story of my love life seems like an impossible chore right now. Figuring out what I gained and who I am because of those relationships hasn’t been easy. Lately I just feel empty…and really sucks as a parent. Thank you for sharing this…gave me a lot to think about today.


    1. Thank you so much for your kind words and for coming by……
      It is and has been a process. As much as I would like to say I came into all this in the moment, I didn’t. I was doing what everyone does. I was weeping, sobbing and feeling empty too which is also present in many places in this blog. But somewhere a long the line, I became desperate in finding what meaning these men brought into my life….I didn’t want all this pain to be for nothing, because honestly, having good times with these people was not enough for me. I needed real meaning. Yet when I started writing about THEM, I ended up learning more about ME.


    2. You sound like me this time last year. It is shit, it is awful. Something I realised that may or may not help you, you won’t go back to how you were before. Don’t wait for that day you feel normal. This will change you, embrace that and suddenly things get a little bit easier (ok, a tiny bit!!)


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