You Don’t Look Like Your Picture – Tinder Tumble: Six Date Stumble – Part IX

This story picks up where I left off here…..

The Gist: Girl was lonely. Girl listened to her horoscope that said something about meeting an “exotic, sultry stranger.” Girl thought the only way to conquer said stranger was to meet him via Tinder. Girl shopped around for men and thought about what it would be like to be a serial, dating bada**. Girl got into trouble very quick because of lack of bada**ness with her first and only date via Tinder.Their first meeting starting off like this:

The night of my first person-to-person date with someone I met on an app and who would coincidentally turn out to be my biggest teacher in regards to my dating downfalls happened on a romantic(?) Wednesday. Why a midweek greet instead of a real date you ask? Honestly, I wasn’t willing to sacrifice my Saturday night. That was for a real date which I had yet to determine if this would be. This for all intensive purposes was a screener. Remember, I was hoping to key up more men over multiple days by dating multiples, so if I was going to accomplish that, I had to streamline and maximize my time. I had to go out and meet people even if it meant putting on my best Saturday night getup and hauling myself out of the house midweek.

Since I was already going out, I met up with a few friends beforehand and despite their chorus of encouragements, I still found myself so nervous that my neck was starting to break out in hives. What if he didn’t like me? What if we have nothing to talk about? What if he’s really creepy? And before I knew it and before I could back out, one of them handed me a bottle of home-brewed moonshine that he magically procured from the trunk of his car like we were somewhere in the woods of Kentucky instead of in the heart of Los Angeles with the worlds,”Here, Take a sip of this.”

“Where did you get this?”

“Just take a sip!”

So I did because that’s what girls from the sticks do (What can I say? You can take the girl out of Pennsylvania, but you can’t take the Pennsylvania out of the girl) and as the alcohol burned through my chest, I made my call to Uber and went to my date.

I chose the place and while I don’t give advice on this blog for obvious reasons, I would recommend anyone meeting someone for the first time, even if it’s a guy that you might have met once, to pick the place that is in a neighborhood that you feel comfortable in. Whenever I would meet a guy, I always picked the place that was mutually accessible, but would ultimately favor me. Given all the challenges I’ve had with dating, that was always something that all the guys I dated never questioned. (Thought I wish this one did, because I would end up picking the place where this story (aka trainwreck) began…needless to say, I don’t go there anymore).

If you’ve ever connected with someone that you’ve met either through (A) A blind date which by far is the most nerve-racking, or the comparatively speaking, (B) Meeting a person via an app which is really just a blind date that has gone through some time of screening process knows how incredibly difficult it is to walk into a room looking for a stranger that might look familiar, but not familiar enough for you to comfortably go up to them asking if they are in fact your Tinder date. I mean, What was I suppose to say? Are you the guy that I swiped right to approximately 72 hours ago?

But that didn’t matter on this particular night because as I was too busy looking for my match, I’d end up walking right past him while also missing the coordinating text that read, “By the way I have a beard now,” so I was dumbstruck when a Ray LaMontagne look-a-like approached me and said, “Jen, It’s B*.”


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J is a happily single 30-something currently documenting her stories of love and loss. Her blog, “I Quit Dating” features excerpts of her journey as she reflects on the lessons learned from the men she loved. A complete collection of essays detailing her walk away from finding Mr. Right in order to pursue a more fulfilled life will be self-published next year. She recently moved from Los Angeles to New York. Contact: iquitdating (@)

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