I’m Sasha Fierce – Tinder Tumble: Six Date Stumble – Part VIII

In case you missed it – This post picks up where I left off here

I didn’t know what I was doing, but then again, does anyone know what they’re doing or what they’re looking for (or WHO they’re looking for) when they suddenly feel a surge, an impulse that sparks the feeling of, “I should try this! I should put myself out there! I should try to make this happen! I should go on Tinder?! I should right-swipe HIM because he’s cute!”

But wasn’t that the point of this whole exercise? For me to step outside my true character to see if I could not only date someone new, but BE a newer, better, more awesome version of ME?

And for awhile, it worked. I did feel different even before going on real dates with real people in real time that this app was going to procure for me. I was swiping, chatting and trying to make sense of this new world and feeling GREAT while doing it. I was in charge! I was making it happen!

Within a short amount of time, I soon found that the simple interactions in the form of swiping, ringing and messaging with such a wide variety of men, despite how confusing it all was, proved to be the catalyst and confidence boost that I needed in order to be the “cool” girl that I always wanted to be.

And I hated that. I hated that these strangers who knew nothing about me were giving me the illusive confidence and the social super-powers that I longed to have. I hated that a “Hi” from a cool guy who thought I was pretty was somehow bringing out my inner “Sasha Fierce” when I couldn’t. Why did I need this type of reassurance? Why did I feel like a kid who needed acceptance from a group of peers?

My first date on Tinder, which also ended up being my first unsuccessful date due to the simply fact that we never met up was supposed to be with a New York actor-transplant who attempted to reschedule because of rehearsal….twice (aka he had another “hotter” date that wanted to meet at that time) before abandoning me all together. I could say that it stung, but I so intrigued by another guy on my list named, B* who claimed to be “here for the blondes” that I didn’t care.

This would prove to be my downfall and where I broke my first rule. I was already favoring one guy. I was falling into my monogamous patterns and I didn’t even meet him… or anyone else yet.

But I didn’t know that would be my downfall. I’m still at the start. I’m still thinking of clever pick-up lines that began with making a reference to his profile by asking, “How was New Zealand?” Maybe not my best work, but certainly enough to get him to write back saying it was amazing and that he went with a friend. Pretty standard responses that quickly led to friendly banter even though we still didn’t know each other at all, remember his profile was basically blank. But it was the jokes that made me laugh and the air of mystery about him that immediately drew me in. We were “hitting it off” as the cliche says and after a dozen lines of teasing, which I wish I could relate back for you here, he said, “I’ve been doing this for awhile and the one thing I’ve learned, you can’t tell anything about chemistry unless you meet. I know it’s early, but I think we should get a drink. I promise it’ll be fun.”

It was early, but growing up in the age of AOL chat rooms, I knew that meeting people online could easily turn into pen pal type relationships, which was turning out to be the case with many of the people that I was talking to that led me to wonder if any of these people had interest in meeting at all. I had no interest in being on this app for the duration, and instead saw Tinder as a connecting catalyst that would lead to real dates. B* obviously felt the same way, so we exchanged numbers with the understanding that he’d text in a few days. My #4 match on Tinder was inching up to my proverbial #1 in my now 65+ potential list.


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J is a happily single 30-something currently documenting her stories of love and loss. Her blog, “I Quit Dating” features excerpts of her journey as she reflects on the lessons learned from the men she loved. A complete collection of essays detailing her walk away from finding Mr. Right in order to pursue a more fulfilled life will be self-published next year. She recently moved from Los Angeles to New York. Contact: iquitdating (@) gmail.com

5 thoughts on “I’m Sasha Fierce – Tinder Tumble: Six Date Stumble – Part VIII”

  1. Hi J… Wanted to thank you for visiting The Vision of Poets… Glad you enjoyed it. Your site is most enlightening… but you do know what they say? When you stop looking is when they suddenly appear right before your eyes. Have a great evening..


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