Once arriving at the lonely junction called, “I Give Up,” I found myself not only meeting my critics in the shape of friends and strangers alike who were looking to sympathize with me by sharing their own experiences about love and dating, but I also met the strong-willed haters. We all know them. Those angry souls who comfort us by sharing their anger and angst. “I Hate Him!” “What a Loser!” “That Son of B$%$*T!” Of course I have some of it. I doubt I would “not be dating anymore” and blogging on iquitdating.com if I didn’t feel some anger towards myself and the men in my life who HELPED get me to this point. But I also know that even after making such a statement –
I didn’t want to be that person so blinded by my anger that I failed to see how these dating experiences shaped me into the woman I am today. How can I ignore all those life lessons that were hidden in the heartbreak? How can I say that those experiences were for nothing when I learned so much about how to treat people, especially total strangers.
My protégé, Carrie Bradshaw once asked, “Where does the love go?” And I found myself asking that same question when I talked to angry souls about love and relationships. “You once loved him, thought you did, wanted to. How can you hate him now? Where did all that love go?” And that is what got me thinking once I completed the seven stages of grief after my last foray into love and relationships. Yes, I was hurt. Yes, I didn’t want to feel that way again. Yes, I was walking away because dating was a real detractor in my life. Yes…Yes…Yes!
Yet in between all the yeses and reasons that reside in my heart of hearts as to why I’m walking away from dating, I know I loved these men, even (and maybe most especially), the ones that came and went so quickly that I sometimes I wonder if I dreamed them into being. I still loved them just the same, and as I embarked on this journey, the last thing I wanted to have happen was for the anger that I have myself for being the way I am, and the anger that I have for the men that walked away, to overshadow the life lessons that I learned on the way. Instead, I started writing stories. Stories that were supposed to be about THEM, but turned out to be more about ME.