I’m Single, Not Angry.

Once arriving at the lonely junction called, “I Give Up,” I found myself not only meeting my critics in the shape of friends and strangers alike who were looking to sympathize with me by sharing their own experiences about love and dating, but I also met the strong-willed haters. We all know them. Those angry souls who comfort us by sharing their anger and angst. “I Hate Him!” “What a Loser!” “That Son of B$%$*T!” Of course I have some of it. I doubt I would “not be dating anymore” and blogging on iquitdating.com if I didn’t feel some anger towards myself and the men in my life who HELPED get me to this point. But I also know that even after making such a statement –

I didn’t want to be that person so blinded by my anger that I failed to see how these dating experiences shaped me into the woman I am today. How can I ignore all those life lessons that were hidden in the heartbreak? How can I say that those experiences were for nothing when I learned so much about how to treat people, especially total strangers.

My protégé, Carrie Bradshaw once asked, “Where does the love go?” And I found myself asking that same question when I talked to angry souls about love and relationships. “You once loved him, thought you did, wanted to. How can you hate him now? Where did all that love go?” And that is what got me thinking once I completed the seven stages of grief after my last foray into love and relationships. Yes, I was hurt. Yes, I didn’t want to feel that way again. Yes, I was walking away because dating was a real detractor in my life. Yes…Yes…Yes!

Yet in between all the yeses and reasons that reside in my heart of hearts as to why I’m walking away from dating, I know I loved these men, even (and maybe most especially), the ones that came and went so quickly that I sometimes I wonder if I dreamed them into being. I still loved them just the same, and as I embarked on this journey, the last thing I wanted to have happen was for the anger that I have myself for being the way I am, and the anger that I have for the men that walked away, to overshadow the life lessons that I learned on the way. Instead, I started writing stories. Stories that were supposed to be about THEM, but turned out to be more about ME.

The Start of the First Story on This Blog 

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J is a happily single 30-something currently documenting her stories of love and loss. Her blog, “I Quit Dating” features excerpts of her journey as she reflects on the lessons learned from the men she loved. A complete collection of essays detailing her walk away from finding Mr. Right in order to pursue a more fulfilled life will be self-published next year. She recently moved from Los Angeles to New York. Contact: iquitdating (@) gmail.com

7 thoughts on “I’m Single, Not Angry.”

  1. That was beautiful! It’s so easy to be angry and to focus on what they did to you or how they were at fault during the relationship and then get caught up in the mess of it all. No matter how much it hurts, they were in our lives for a reason and it’s so great to see that you highlighted that 🙂


    1. Thank you. Yes…once the dust settles….it’s important to recognize that they did bring something…sometimes not always good, but with that brings strength too I suppose.


  2. Bravo to you to figure out that lesson for yourself. I think sometimes we get too bogged down into worrying about good things and bad things happening to us. Sometimes I think we try to simplify life too much, when some things in life don’t make sense. Life always have a lesson to teach us, even in tragedy there’s a lesson. Sure you need to grieve, and yes bad things happen to good people. However if we don’t stop to see if we played a part, and how we can do things differently. We’re bound to repeat our past mistakes. Isn’t that the meaning of insanity, “doing the same thing over and over, and expecting a different outcome.” From what little I’ve read about you so far, you don’t seem crazy, right, I hope :-).


  3. Someone once told me that the objective of a relationship is to leave your partner better off. If you’re acknowledging your anger and resentment towards certain men you’ve dated, then it can be looked at as leaving you better off. As long as you know where this anger is stemming from of course!


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