I Didn’t Follow The Rules – Tinder Tumble: Six Date Stumble – Part VI

I convinced myself and everyone around me that I was a going to be a confident socialite with a carefree attitude who was going to date multiple people like a “Charlotte-esque” pick-up artist. This was the way modern people date and I was finally going to put my monogamous dating patterns to rest. I was going to do this! I was downloading apps, uploading photos and penning witty tag-lines highlighting my musical bookworminess. I was the sexy librarian who was jumping in the game and who was going to win!

This strategy worked for approximately 4 days.

And it wasn’t because I couldn’t meet enough eligible bachelors to fill my queue. I had options. People were interested despite what I’ve said about “Nobody wanting to hook up with me on Tinder.” On the surface, that was true. Nobody did. But I was having a different type of luck. I was being right-swiped by the seemingly “normal handsomes” who actually wanted to get to know me and take me out (or for all intensive purposes “seemed to”)

A bubbly business guy by day and music lover by night wanted to picnic while catching one of the famous summer concerts on the Santa Monica Pier.

A young, vibrant movie producer wanted to meet me for an afternoon coffee while taking a stroll through the park that bordered the beach. (This was the one that had a pot-bellied pig that I referred to here. Maybe a little strange, but he was funny and cute so I likely would have met him for coffee).

An entrepreneur/transplant from the east-coast wanted to take me to a painting and wine class.

A fellow art/music buff with an unusual name wanted to take me to his favorite divey restaurant that he couldn’t believe I was never at since it’s not far from my house.

But I will never know what could or would have happened with any of these people, because I didn’t follow any of the rules or self-proclamations that I was so determined to follow.

It turns out, not only was I not capable of being a star-player in the game of dating, but I wasn’t fit to be a rookie….a bench-warmer…or a water-girl.

What I was capable of was falling for someone in six short dates.

Playing Catch-Up: The Other Parts of the Story

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J is a happily single 30-something currently documenting her stories of love and loss. Her blog, “I Quit Dating” features excerpts of her journey as she reflects on the lessons learned from the men she loved. A complete collection of essays detailing her walk away from finding Mr. Right in order to pursue a more fulfilled life will be self-published next year. She recently moved from Los Angeles to New York. Contact: iquitdating (@) gmail.com

3 thoughts on “I Didn’t Follow The Rules – Tinder Tumble: Six Date Stumble – Part VI”

  1. Ok I’ve caught myself up with all your other articles in this series. First off I’d like to say, you’re killing me, but in a good way. Each time I read your story, I get to the end, then it’s like “what the heck, is this seriously the end, well what happens next!!” While you may have your own brand of dating woes, you have a knack for writing suspenseful pieces. OH well looks like I”ll have to stay-tuned for the next piece.
    Something you talked about in this one was “no one wanting to hook-up with ME” and I’d like to share my experience with the same feeling. A few month ago I read a book called “Sacred Search” by Gary Thomas. It gave me a whole new outlook on finding a wife, let’s face it I’m in my 30’s and all of a sudden that’s an issue. Much like you at the start of this episode of your dating experience, I was excited and hopeful, and at some point reality caught up with me. I was putting myself out there, and I was not getting any responses, and when I do, something was off. I can be a bit long winded, so bear with me a bit more, wanna make sure I paint the right picture. I’m not where I’d like to be career wise, and I’m well aware that at my age 34, it’s probably not the most ideal situation. That’s the thing though, aside from lack of a career, I still have drive, dedication, core values, dreams and aspirations, and I know how to cook and clean. Lol so basically aside from a stable career, I think I should be a great catch, well that’s my view anyway. My thinking is that if only they’d give me a chance, they’d see. Ok so back to the women I do get a response from. Typically one of the first questions is “So what do you do?” Then like a magician performing his greatest trick, they disappear after I give my answer. I was beating myself up for that, but then it occurred to me. Remember the book I mentioned “Sacred Search”, it laid out that marriage is a serious commitment, and it shouldn’t be taken lightly. Who you marry (attractiveness, income, sexual chemistry) shouldn’t be more important than why (values, beliefs, future goals, communication style, parenting style etc)
    It finally dawned on me, the women that were responding, weren’t the ones I’d want anyway. I was looking for something specific, so I’m not going to find her at every turn. I’m basically looking for a needle in a haystack of needles. To not give up so easily, to be intentional and come up with a strategy. As a side note, I also heard Amy Webb’s talk, it was part of a TEDtalk series on “How we Love”
    I kinda forgot what I wanted to say in this comment. I think it was that you shouldn’t get discouraged if you’re not finding the “Right Guy for YOU” right away. If I can glean anything from your writing, it’s that you’re sure of what it is that you want. So from one person that’s on the road in search for love to another. Hang in there, it will probably take some time for us to find what we’re looking for, and we need to learn how to be ok with that.


    1. Thanks so much for your kind words. I’d rather be a writer than a dater – hence working harder on writing than dating these days so your compliment means a lot! Thanks also for sharing your experience. The truth in your words is something I will be sure to reflect on. I’ve also taken note of that book you mentioned.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Glad to hear that something iny rantings reainated with you 😀
        I just had another thought. As an over-thinker, i tend to reflect A LOT. We’re all at just another Chapter in our lives, the beauty is that it could be any chapter. While the fear of that is crippling, its also kimd of ammazing. We can make our journey whatever we want.
        Well it soumds way better in theory than practice.


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