What I Learned From a Man I Loved – Best Friends and Broken Hearts – Conclusion

And now to the conclusion, the central part of the story that IS central to this blog. The part where I stop talking about how misguided and heartbroken I felt, and how those feelings of losing “almost us” eventually lead me to the peaceful place of “non-regret.”

What else did this man, who was my friend, my best friend who no longer is because of our brief tryst teach me about myself? How did this unpredictable experience with a person that I’ve known all my life shape me?

I learned that I’m not a coward and that I don’t run away from the things and people that scare me. For better or for worse, I face the difficult, because I feel most people that have crossed my life, no matter how little time they’ve spent in it, deserve more. I learned that there are people that don’t feel as I do which doesn’t make them mean or awful, it just makes them….different.

I learned that I have the courage to tell people how I feel, even when it might not be what they want to hear. In saying that, I learned that I do have a natural, human tendency to give empathy and comfort during those difficult conversations. And in those times, sometimes I have to say more than sorry. Sometimes I have to stop talking about how I feel in favor of building up the other person, even if it means throwing myself under the bus to make them feel better.

I learned that, “Fortune favors the bold,” “You don’t get what you don’t ask for,” and “Living with regret is far worse than taking a risk and losing.” I learned that at times, I have to go for it. (This is still something I’m working on.)

Lastly, I learned how freeing forgiveness is and how I can still walk away from the people in my life who have treated me bad. Walking away does not mean there is a lack of forgiveness. Walking away can mean that I’ve simply moved on without them. And S*, if you’re reading this, which it’s quite possible that you have, I forgive you.

Playing Catch-Up? The Whole Story

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J is a happily single 30-something currently documenting her stories of love and loss. Her blog, “I Quit Dating” features excerpts of her journey as she reflects on the lessons learned from the men she loved. A complete collection of essays detailing her walk away from finding Mr. Right in order to pursue a more fulfilled life will be self-published next year. She recently moved from Los Angeles to New York. Contact: iquitdating (@) gmail.com

2 thoughts on “What I Learned From a Man I Loved – Best Friends and Broken Hearts – Conclusion”

  1. Now that I’m finally at the end of this story, I was expecting a happier ending. I suppose the optimist in me wanted a happier ending, even though the title suggested differently. I suppose one could also say I’m trying to see the best in a situation, that all signs are pointing to the opposite.
    Your piece has awakened and uncovered a part of me I thought I was through with. It’s been quite some time now since my last relationship, and while I was the one that ended it. I was also a coward, I was selfish and didn’t think past my own desire to move on. Not that it’s an excuse, you see I’m a bit of an over thinker, and and I try to think things through before I make an action. If that’s the case you may ask, then how could it have gone so wrong? That is why I say I’m a coward, instead of speaking the truth and being bold, I buckled under the weight of the potential conversation.
    Reading how you’re moving on has helped me see something important. I feel as though I’ve been hiding, while I know it’s important to take risks. After-all life happens whether we’re hidden or exposed. I’m learning that vulnerability doesn’t have to be a scary thing. Being vulnerable doesn’t make me less of a man (thanks society), it’s actually the opposite of being scared. Sure it might be scary out there on the ledge, but the great thing about being vulnerable is that you’re out there on the ledge. If you’ve never heard of Brene Brown, you have to check this out, it WILL change your life: http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability?language=en.
    To get the kind of Life I desire, I MUST be BOLD, I have to stop hiding, I have to expose myself if I want to continue growing. Thank you for this lesson 🙂


    1. Thanks so much for all your thoughtful comments. Yes, the common reaction, very similar to yours which has turned into my favorite (because don’t all we as writers want a reaction from people?)has been, “WHO IS THIS GUY?” Sorry to burst the bubble but that makes me smile too. Glad I was able to provide some insight and advice. Advice I’m still trying to follow too. That is for sure.

      Liked by 1 person

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