And now to the conclusion, the central part of the story that IS central to this blog. The part where I stop talking about how misguided and heartbroken I felt, and how those feelings of losing “almost us” eventually lead me to the peaceful place of “non-regret.”
What else did this man, who was my friend, my best friend who no longer is because of our brief tryst teach me about myself? How did this unpredictable experience with a person that I’ve known all my life shape me?
I learned that I’m not a coward and that I don’t run away from the things and people that scare me. For better or for worse, I face the difficult, because I feel most people that have crossed my life, no matter how little time they’ve spent in it, deserve more. I learned that there are people that don’t feel as I do which doesn’t make them mean or awful, it just makes them….different.
I learned that I have the courage to tell people how I feel, even when it might not be what they want to hear. In saying that, I learned that I do have a natural, human tendency to give empathy and comfort during those difficult conversations. And in those times, sometimes I have to say more than sorry. Sometimes I have to stop talking about how I feel in favor of building up the other person, even if it means throwing myself under the bus to make them feel better.
I learned that, “Fortune favors the bold,” “You don’t get what you don’t ask for,” and “Living with regret is far worse than taking a risk and losing.” I learned that at times, I have to go for it. (This is still something I’m working on.)
Lastly, I learned how freeing forgiveness is and how I can still walk away from the people in my life who have treated me bad. Walking away does not mean there is a lack of forgiveness. Walking away can mean that I’ve simply moved on without them. And S*, if you’re reading this, which it’s quite possible that you have, I forgive you.
Playing Catch-Up? The Whole Story