How do you feel when you gamble? Do you get a cool rush at the thought of winning? Do you feel empowered and confident when you’re handed a few cards? How does it feel when you’ve taken your last shot and you lose? How does it feel after you’ve thrown all your money in the slots and you’re force to leave empty-handed? Are you upset? Mad? Do you feel
that it was a fair game? Do you feel the risk was worth the potential reward?
If you’ve been following my journey from the beginning (or welcome if you’re jumping in now), you’ll understand how I was left with those thoughts after my brief romance with long-time friend, S*. I found myself not only sad for us, but I was disappointed that these were the people we grew up to be after spending so many of our most pinnacle years together. Was this really who we were now? Is this what happens when best friends try to be more? How do I escape from this complex place of mourning for what we had and didn’t have? How do I accept that fact that we had our chance at being more?…The chance for a real “us” that I always wondered if we would have….The chance that ended up being the thread that kept us together for all those years. It was gone. But what really kept me up at night was the fact that this person, this ghost, who was such an integral part of my past was not going to be anywhere near my future.
But was it worth it? Was the risk that we took worth the reward?
Please share your thoughts in the comment section.