Who Were These People That I Loved?

Once I made the choice that I was “not going to be dating anymore,” I began to think about the experiences I’ve had and what exactly I learned from them. What did these men teach me about life, love and more importantly, myself? Who were they? Why was I attracted to them? Why was I was drawn to them in the way I was? At times it was painful, because the essence of reflecting is being able to look back on experiences, and some of these experiences I did not want to look back on. They were sad, painful and at times so troublesome that not only did I long to forget their names, but I wished to forget that they were in my life at all.

Why did I want to RELIVE the times I was left? Why did I want to REVISIT the times I left? Yet as I started to REFLECT, I became desperate to find life lessons in these experiences that would help me become a better, stronger person.

In the beginning of this blog, I painted an idyllic, 14-year friendship between S* and I. Pages and pages about the times we had and the memories we shared. However in my story, I neglected to say that S* did want more at one point. He did have feelings for me that at the time, I didn’t share. And in saying that, why did I choose to backtrack now instead of originally integrating it in to my story? What were the differences between him and I that I never knew existed until I was forced to compare our seventeen-year-old selves against the people we’d grow up to be?

…..To Be Continued…..

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J is a happily single 30-something currently documenting her stories of love and loss. Her blog, “I Quit Dating” features excerpts of her journey as she reflects on the lessons learned from the men she loved. A complete collection of essays detailing her walk away from finding Mr. Right in order to pursue a more fulfilled life will be self-published next year. She recently moved from Los Angeles to New York. Contact: iquitdating (@) gmail.com

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