Once I made the choice that I was “not going to be dating anymore,” I began to think about the experiences I’ve had and what exactly I learned from them. What did these men teach me about life, love and more importantly, myself? Who were they? Why was I attracted to them? Why was I was drawn to them in the way I was? At times it was painful, because the essence of reflecting is being able to look back on experiences, and some of these experiences I did not want to look back on. They were sad, painful and at times so troublesome that not only did I long to forget their names, but I wished to forget that they were in my life at all.
Why did I want to RELIVE the times I was left? Why did I want to REVISIT the times I left? Yet as I started to REFLECT, I became desperate to find life lessons in these experiences that would help me become a better, stronger person.
In the beginning of this blog, I painted an idyllic, 14-year friendship between S* and I. Pages and pages about the times we had and the memories we shared. However in my story, I neglected to say that S* did want more at one point. He did have feelings for me that at the time, I didn’t share. And in saying that, why did I choose to backtrack now instead of originally integrating it in to my story? What were the differences between him and I that I never knew existed until I was forced to compare our seventeen-year-old selves against the people we’d grow up to be?
…..To Be Continued…..